This past Monday, June 6, my oldest daughter Amber gave birth to my newest grandchild.  Kayden McKay Furman, a strapping and beautiful boy, came into this world six weeks early due to a placental abruption.  I am so honored that his parents chose to make him my namesake (we share the same middle name), but even more honored that God blessed me with the privilege and tremendous responsibility of being Kayden’s grandfather.  To once again witness the miracle of new life has left me in awe of God’s unimaginable magnificence.

Not being the most medically inclined person, I asked my dear friend Julie, who is a midwife, to help me understand the meaning of placental abruption.  She explained how the placenta is attached to the inner wall of the uterus and that an abruption is the peeling away of the placenta from the uterine wall, which can lead to the baby not receiving enough oxygen and nutrients.

Even as Julie was still speaking about this truly miraculous network of vessels which enable a baby to survive in the womb, my mind wandered to the sheer enormity of God’s creation and the absolute impossibility of life being explained any other way.  I thought, how could anyone believe something as complex as feeding and oxygenating an unborn baby could have happened by trillions of instances of random selection?  How do they think babies survived for all the millions of millennia they believe it took for molecules to first form billions of living cells and then randomly align into a placenta?  It is utterly mind-boggling how “smart” one would have to be to buy into such impossible propaganda.

There are many very scholarly people who share my beliefs on God and His creation; however, there is a set of elitist individuals who believe anyone who questions their evolution dogma must be a Neanderthal.  I should know, since I used to be one of them (elitist, not Neanderthal, though my wife might sometimes disagree).  I harbor no illusions that many, if any, of these “superior” minds will be changed by my rant.  From my experience, these educated lemmings are hopelessly set in their ways.  Still, I try to love them no matter how intolerant they might be of my views.

These intelligentsia sometimes like to derogatorily refer to anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their spoon-fed indoctrination as flat-earthers.  This is a reference to the people of centuries past who refused to acknowledge the earth was round, despite mounting and eventually indisputable evidence to the contrary.  It is ironic to me that any Christian would be compared to a flat-earther, as our Bible accurately depicted a round earth some two-thousand years before it became common knowledge (Isaiah 40:22).

Today I turn the tables on the people who resist opening their eyes to the truth of God and His creation.  From now on, I will call these folks flat-earthers for their inability to process the infinite amount of information that proves creation is a certainty while evolution is an impossibility.  So, with my sincerest apologies to Jeff Foxworthy and his “redneck” franchise, I present the first edition of “You might be a flat-earther if…”

  • You might be a flat-earther if you believe your eyes were formed by happenstance.  Not just one eye, but two to allow better depth perception, along with rods (120 million of them!) to enable adjusting to darkness and cones (6-7 million!) to differentiate colors and for spatial acuity.  And a lens to focus the light to project it onto the retina.  And an optic nerve to send this projected image to the brain, where it is processed as sight (Don’t even get me started on the brain!).

  • You might be a flat-earther if you believe the heart and lungs formed coincidentally, making it possible for blood to enrich the body with life-giving oxygen.  I wonder which one formed first?  I wonder what it did while it was waiting for the other to come along?

  • You might be a flat-earther if you believe plants happened to have evolved simultaneously with animals to be able to produce the aforementioned oxygen that is essential to animal life, keeping in mind that if plants evolved separately from animals, the plants would not have had the carbon dioxide produced by animals that is needed for plants to survive.

  • You might be a flat-earther if you believe animals were able to thrive for millions of millennia while they were waiting for their digestive and waste systems to evolve, with all the interconnecting and vital organs.  And what did they eat while they were waiting for other edible and sustainable life to evolve?  How many bald corn cobs had to sprout up randomly until one finally had the seeds to produce the next generation?

  • You might be a flat-earther if you believe life could have survived during the eons of time that you believe it took for the various reproductive systems to evolve.

  • You might be a flat-earther if you believe reproduction is something that would have happened even without our GOD-GIVEN libido which makes it not just a good idea to carry on a species’ survival, but a biological certainty.  Same with food and water, see next item…

  • You might be a flat-earther if you believe animals would have survived while they were waiting for their bodies to evolve to where food and water were not just tasty conveniences, but biological needs which are physically craved.  If you don’t get hungry or thirsty, you don’t eat or drink.  If you don’t eat or drink, you die.  It’s that simple.  I can just hear the caveman: “I haven’t evolved to experience hunger pangs yet, but my blood sugar feels a little low so maybe I’d better go hunt and gather me some grub!”

  • You might be a flat-earther if you can examine the fossil record and conclude any species became another species.  I get it, many species came and went, but so sorry to burst your bubble, a dog has always been a dog.

  • You might be a flat-earther if your best argument against creation is that even many Christians believe the earth is much older than the 8,000 or so years recorded in the Bible.  What does that have to do with whether or not the world was created?  And who cares how old it is anyway?  Time has no meaning to God (2 Peter 3:8).  Pick a number.  A bazillion years?  Infinity years to the infinity power?  Still not long enough for evolution.

  • If you can look at my precious grandson Kayden, still in the NICU fighting to go home to his adoring family, and if you believe he is a blob of cells that is here by chance…you, my friend, are most definitely a flat-earther.

(I’m having lots of fun and could probably do this for hours, but for the sake of time I will cut it off at an even ten bullet points).

I was a staunch supporter of evolutionist doctrine throughout my adolescence and into adulthood until I was about 25, at which point I finally came to the realization there were just too many unexplained holes.  I guess you could say the more I learned about it, the less I bought it.  I figure most people who believe in creation do so because they believe in God.  For me, it was the other way around: I started believing in God as a result of believing in creation, which itself was a result of becoming disillusioned with the whole idea of evolution.

I took one leap of faith to believe in a God who created the universe and all life.  A non-believer must take trillions upon trillions of leaps of faith to believe in all the things that would have had to come together to make evolution a reality.  Don’t get me wrong, leaping is fun and all, but no thanks!  I will try to go easy on these flat-earthers who do not believe in creation.  After all, what more can I expect from someone who descended from apes?

“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” (Psalm 139:13-14).

“For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—His eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse” (Romans 1:20).